A Guide to Talk Dating Like a Gen Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Terms for Love, Intimacy and Questionable Conduct

The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive breakdown to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo having children to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is trouble. For instance calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your choice to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {